Don't Play Your Life, A Gift God Has Given To You

I take the second introduction to Psychology this semester, and we have to do this term paper about antidepressants. A part of this project is to listen to the three parts of a radio program called "Rethinking Depression", and if you're interested, you can listen to the recordings in the CBC website (www.cbc.ca) (go to CBC Radio 1-> Ideas -> type "depression" in the search box -> click on "Rethinking Depression Part 1 or 2 or 3). I've finished listening to this program a few hours ago (I listen to a part of the program per day) and what I've noticed is that there are millions of people who suffer from depression (either mild or moderate or even major). All of us (admit it) do feel depressed at times and we will think of negative things such as the "Oh! This is the end of the world!" effect or the common thought of "I wanna kill myself." People who suffer from depression (including major depression) will eventually either get help or commit suicide.

Okay, let's put the "commit suicide" issue aside first. Depression victims usually get help from medication, and I'm talking about antidepressants. You probably heard of this famous type of antidepressant called "Prozac" (P.S this is the first time I heard of it). For many years, people who suffered from depression take this drug in and the results escalate high like rockets. However, such a drug can also lead to negative effects that scare the hell out of consumers. According to the radio recordings, the interviewees share their stories about hearing sounds that don't exist in their subconscious minds or seeing visions that got them afraid of their future, and countless nightmares too. And when this happens, they go hungry for different drugs or any other medication that could "possibly" cure depression. This, in the end, will lead to the "final" thought of perishing themselves.

I just don't get it why people need drugs to heal depression, or any kind of mental issues. I suffered from depression as well due to the fact of being bullied back in elementary school and secondary school. I complained to myself that school was an unsafe place. I planned to commit suicide when I was fourteen, but thank goodness I didn't do it. The vision of me holding a knife towards my chest frightened me, and God reminded me not to do such a sin. It was a relief that the bullying finally stopped when I was in ninth grade. And as for this Youtuber, Anna Akana, she was being open to the world by posting this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvkbHIrrrvU
If you watch this, you'll get the sense that killing yourself makes everything goes upside down. The people that love you will get confused and miserable, and once you banish your body away, you'll waste God's gift. You'll waste the life that God has given to you. Don't you see? Satan is hiding in you to make you forget what you're made for and live for. Yes, it's not just God who lives in you but Satan who also lives in you. Eve ate a fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, so that makes us sinners, which means Satan has injected himself into us to make us scatter away from God. The reason why people commit suicide is because Satan is telling them to do so. God doesn't want to see them throwing their lives randomly! God doesn't want to see YOU thrashing your one and only precious life!

So if you're reading this, I'm not saying that this is what you should do. I'm writing this post to share with you what I believe in. Whoa! I just realize that I've spent half an hour writing this! Anyway, I just hope that....for those who plan to commit suicide, or if you're about to do so, please reconsider. Think about what will happen to the people around you, your future, and your religion. If you ask me what should you do if you want to kill yourself, I would say, "I'm not a psychic, but killing yourself will shake the whole world...and God Himself." You are given a life, and you should be blessed that you're alive. You are breathing to reveal a chapter of your journey in your life journal. So if you're feeling depressed or uncomfortable, find something that keeps you happy and seek help from the people you trust. But don't forget to stay strong, and put in faith to your religions. As for Christians, God is always there to listen to you, don't feel abandoned.This is your life, treasure it like God really mean it. =)

Fog poems: Silver Curtains vs. Topaz Through The Thick

Hey, guys! So...I've written two poems about the foggy weather in Coquitlam, BC this month and I'm wondering which of these two poems is better/ worth reading as a perfect fog poem. Topaz Through the Thick is written during the sunrise while Silver Curtains is more of a dark poem and it's written in the evening. So what do you think? Take note that they're just drafts. Choice A (Silver Curtains) or Choice B (Topaz Through The Thick)? 

A. Silver Curtains 

Swirls of white ribbons roll by,
blown by the pipe of a nature ancestor.
Its curtains caress through me.
The chilly breath hit against my skin.

Up the hill, under the grey sulking cotton,
I watch in this deserted park
as the clumps of fog frolic by
like animals spirits.

Thicker blinds overshadow the pine trees, surrounding the circle.
Oh, poor greens!
Their stomata eyes blink, gasping for ripe oxygen.
Drowning in the Lost World.

The overlapping waves of mist slowly fade
as minutes tick by.
They creep and shawl around me,
slightly mending the cracks in my glass heart.

Even though I can't feel my bones,
I still sit under a red-dyed tree,
watching and longing
to stay for a little longer.

B. Topaz Through The Thick

Skin burns around my face.

Finger bones seem to freeze and crack.

Temperature drops at dawn,

forces me to wonder when will God

summon the morning sphere. 

Hours crawl by.

Sunlight spreads over the earth.

An overlapping wave of gold

filters through unquenchable swirls of mist.

Its natural illumination dominates over all living beings,

signalling a new day.

Alas,

disappointment stings in my heart.

The rolling clusters of fluffy silver

vanish in transparent sight.

How I wish I can stand at a better spot

under the chilly climate

and gaze admiringly at the view.

Oh, dear fog,

please don't go 

just for this once!

Mimosa (New poem)

You'll probably find me weird but Mimosa Pudica is my favourite wild plant. I enjoy touching this special grass ever since I was seven and I never get tired of touching its sensitive leaves while watching it folding. Pretty much, the mimosa plant connects to my personality, that is being a shy introvert. To those who know that I write a novella series called The Magic Mimosa Plant, the inspiration I get is basically from a mimosa and I turn it into a magical object.I can't find a mimosa plant around Canada, and that's sad..so I write this poem to remind myself that I'll look for one when I go back to Malaysia. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy reading this short poem. =) 

Where are you, my touch-me-not?
Your emerald leaves are indeed one-of-a-kind.
A palm of leaflets never fail to amuse me
with your bashful demeanor.

Where are you, my sensitive darling?
I can't wait to lay one finger on you.
Your long, thin ovals shut before my eyes
like a toddler that hides behind her mother's skirts.
You're hiding a secret, I can tell.
Cracks are approaching around your barrier
and through my sixth sense,
you're longing to break through.

Where are you, my humble favourite?
You're so timid that I find you beautiful.
You're like a servant to a master,
so loyal and true.
You're not the only one who fears.
I'm looking for you
so that I can accompany you.

Where are you, my enchanted inspiration?
You're stunning when untouched and free
but shivering when encountered and trapped.
A wallflower that connects to my insecurity.
Yet you revealed a magic swirl around me,
giving me hope to create new ideas.
Please approach to me
wherever you are now.
I haven't seen you for a long while
and I miss hearing your lonely whisper.