If you see me
hiding in a corner,
I want you to leave me alone for a little while
for I'm contemplating whether my flaws are as valuable as my strengths
or whether my appearance is as glowing as yours.
Your criticism is like a spear piercing my confidence away,
and I can't help but belittling myself.
If you see me
consoling a dear friend,
I'm that person who is there to hear complaints and troubles,
and I'll lend my shoulder for him or her to cry on,
or I'll wrap my arms round him or her to hug.
I'll do my best to give advice,
and it's an introversive trait I'm proud of.
If you see me
writing or drawing,
that means my creative mind and soul are activated.
Inspiration vitalizes me to rekindle imagination that was once lost,
and that's why I want to reach out to people with my inner voice.
So if you see me
in a cafe
with a cup of matcha latte, a notebook, and a laptop,
please do not invade my bubble,
for I'm just being myself.
* * *
Some people even hurt my feelings, because comments about me being quiet and not social enough are just as painful as a stab in the heart. They told me that they were shy when they were young, but as they got older, they force themselves to be more social so that they can break free from their fear of speaking. They even ask me why I'm too shy, too scared to speak, not even asking questions, not having a good sense of humour, or not even saying anything. I think they don't want to feel left out...maybe that's why they've became extroverts. I wish I can be like them, the kind of people that are brave enough to destroy their silent selves and to blend in the loud, cheerful, enthusiastic, energetic, talkative planet Earth. And for those people who criticize on the way I behave in society, I wish I can just erase them away from my head...or even my life. However, those criticism stays as wounds of my past.
"One size fits all" doesn't exist in an introvert's dictionary. Introverts prefer to be in a quiet, serene environment. Like nature. Or for me personally, I love allowing my creative juices flow when I'm in a cafe with both interior and food aesthetics. And when there's noises hovering around the room, I'll put my earbuds on and play whatever songs that please me. Introverts need space and time to reflect on their thoughts and actions. They want to spread their wings in fantasy realms whirling in their heads, and spilling creativity onto canvas. They may be uncomfortable to speak in front of people, but they want to show to the world that their opinions matter. They will find a way to reach out to people with their written words or visuals. Our minds are made up of a constantly expanding puzzle, because there will always be a new slot saved for a building block of idea to be inserted into. And that building block will inspire us to develop new skills for us to improve ourselves.
There are times when I think that I'm a mistake and a failure, because I'm not as extroverted as the others around me. But...I'm still living. I'm still breathing. I am writing this post (a super personal post) on my blog right at this hour. And I'm still growing even though I'm already...ahem...25. Looking back to where I am now, I remember the times when I listen to a friend's story and I give the best advice/opinion I can think of to that friend, because I want to help that friend. What this extroverted world is missing out of is listeners, and introverts, including myself, should be proud that they are listeners that can be depended on. Hearing is sharing, and sharing is caring ;). I shouldn't feel pressured by people that I should "speak more" or "be social", because being me is normal. Being me makes me feel special.
Lastly, if you're interested in finding out about your Myers Briggs personality, you can take the free 16 personalities test here: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. And as always, see you in the next post! <3